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Let’s talk about the botanical conservatory incident… I’m a mom who simply wanted a couple cute pictures of my children amongst the seasonal flowers. What I got was much more than anyone would conceivably ask for. It’s a normal day back in spring 2017. We had our third child and I thought 💭 hey let’s go to the conservatory and take a couple pictures. No problem. I decide to be brave and go on an outing with my three young children 4,2,3mo. Any fellow mothers of small children I’m sure you understand my initial hesitation. And after this my healthy respect for that gut check. Anywho we arrive, park in the parking garage, I pack up baby in the carrier and grab one hand of each of the other kiddos and we walk out and head to the conservatory. We check in no problem, walk to the first exhibit, right away find the perfect backdrop for that insta pic I can post to my social media right? I get the two older kids situated they’re working with me better than I could have hoped, so I take out the baby and put ever him so gingery into the arms of my 4 year old. Take about two steps back line up my shot and 4yr old: he peed on me. Me knowing it’s just a little baby spit up reassures 4 yr old. 4yr old: no he really peed on me mom. Me ok loosing some patience cause I just want one pic right? I go over to reassure 4yr. But to my abject horror find it’s not a little baby spit up, it’s also not pee, no it’s much much worse we’ve had an epic stage 10 blowout, red alert 🚨 panic sets in… I’ve got to find a changing table I scoop up baby as I run to the bathroom with 4 and 2 trailing me, little bits of the explosion falling onto my clothes, my hands are full of 💩. I push open the door lay him on the table, pull up my hair (cause yes it was just that bad)pull out my diaper bag to clean this whole mess up but find to my utter shock that I never packed the wipes I look around. I see it’s luckily a bathroom with paper towel dispensers, you know the kind you wave your hand in front of and eeeerrrrrrrmmmmm out pops a 4 inch long paper towel. I’m thinking ok I just need about ten right and things will be ok. Meanwhile 4 decides he needs to poop and loudly announces he needs help pulling his pants down bc there stuck 😫 ok unzip and un button(why do kids pants have these buttons with holes and zippers anyways? team elastic waist from now on) he gets down to business, meanwhile baby has been screaming bloody murder for the entire process, finally get baby stripped down to diaper and see the carnage that lays before me. my sunglasses slip off the back of my head, the lense pops out, but I can’t worry about that now. I must wave wait for paper towel eeerrrrmmmm wait for it to reset kachick and wave wait for paper towel eeerrrrrmmmmm wait for it to reset kachick let’s just say ten times do you know the amount of time that takes?! A literal eternity, I get them damp and decide to try wiping up some of the excess but before I can do that PLOP. ???? What was that? somehow 4 and 2 managed to grab the paper towel as it was coming out and yank yards upon yards out it’s over the stall door i have no idea how it got up there, it’s draped across the counter the sink the floor, it’s a giant glob of wet paper towel now plopped onto the changing table sopping wet. Baby is sobbing and thrasing about in a puddle of poop water I’m feeling true panic set in. the floors slippery, im sliding the kids are sliding baby is sliding. I bend over to get to work and my hair that I threw up, falls ever so gracefully from the messy bun and as if in slow motion brushes the poopy cheeks of my baby and splats onto my face. Somehow by the grace of god I get baby dried up, I get the soiled everything tossed in the trash I get myself in order, grab the germ wipes from behind the door, that were behind the door, and wipe down the whole room. Gather up my flock and head out to the exit, I’m crying and the check in lady asks if she can give me a raincheck ticket for another day, I thank her and we go home. It was an utterly shitty day 🙀 and I learned that short trips are no excuse for not double checking the diaper bag.Follow me on Instagram @thetinypinkclover_
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